We asked three women to answer this question for Amber. She was able to get a variety of ideas and help!
I’m pregnant. I’m six weeks along now. I didn’t intend for this to happen. My boyfriend and I tried to be careful, but we slipped. We went to this party one night and got carried away. Now he won’t talk to me, and I’m scared. I don’t know what my parents will think either, or what they will do. I feel so alone.
I know abortion is the quickest solution, but I don’t think I could do that to a human life. It’s not the baby’s fault this happened. Plus, it sounds scary and I don’t have a lot of money. Besides, I’m in college – how could I possibly take care of a baby at the same time? Life is hard when you’re pregnant, and I can’t take a baby to class after it’s born. And if I drop out of college without finishing my degree, what will that do to my future? I need some advice.
-Amber, age 19
Answers
“I understand this is a difficult time. Try talking to your parents first. Have they helped you with anything really challenging in the past? They might be supportive. I have a friend who was in a similar situation, and her parents were willing to help out during her pregnancy while she finished school. They wanted to do what they could to make sure their daughter had a healthy, safe pregnancy. She didn’t have to tackle this all by herself, and she was able to get her degree only one semester later than she’d planned.
While my friend was still pregnant, she met with an adoption facilitator. This person is licensed to work with expecting mothers to find loving families for their babies. She told my friend all about adoption and how it could ensure a better life for her baby. She agreed to the adoption idea, and they got started.
A short time later, the adoption facilitator found a couple of suitable families who all really wanted to adopt my friend’s baby. She got to review each family’s situation and why they wanted to adopt, and from there she got to choose which family was the best fit. They even got to meet in person before she had her baby. She was so glad she got to have such a big role in where her baby went. She told me that made it less stressful. Maybe the same could work for you?” says Chloe B.
And Sophie L. says, “I’m so sorry about your situation. That sounds really rough. But you’re right, abortion isn’t the best answer. You would be living with that for the rest of your life because once it’s done, you can’t undo it.
I know this might interrupt your education toward the end, but what about adoption? You could get through these next eight months of taking care of yourself and your baby as it grows. Maybe your professors could let you work on your classes from home. Your school might have some other supportive options, too. You wouldn’t have to go it alone. Then you could still graduate and stick to your original plan.
For the adoption piece, there are plenty of couples out there who can’t have kids of their own and have been praying for a baby. They have a hole in their lives and want a child to love. Think of how happy you could help them become. Your baby could grow up in a healthy home with two parents, and with more opportunities than maybe you could provide. Perhaps allowing a couple to adopt your baby would be the best way to show that you love your baby. You would be thinking of your baby’s future, not just of what’s happening right now. If you chose an open adoption, that would allow you to stay in contact with your child and see him or her grow up.”
“Hey, I wanted to suggest adoption for your baby. I’m adopted, and I am so thankful my mom chose that option. When I first found out I was adopted, I was so mad that my mom abandoned me, but then my adoptive mom told me the rest of the story.
My mom was in high school when she got pregnant. There was no way she could take care of me, with being in school and coming from kind of a poor family. Her mom suggested adoption, so that’s how I got here. My adoptive mom told me she and my adoptive dad had been trying to have a baby for years, but they couldn’t. They decided to adopt, and they chose me. Among all the babies they could have had, they picked me!
I knew I was adopted from a young age, but my parents are my regular mom and dad. I got to learn stuff from both of them; my mom taught me about cooking, and my dad and I like to play soccer together. I got to grow up in a nice house and never had to worry whether I would have enough food or clothes. I don’t know what kind of life I would have had being raised by a high-school dropout and no dad.
Then two years ago, I met my birth mom. I didn’t want to at first because I was scared she wouldn’t want to see me, but then I learned she was always open to meeting me someday, and the choice was mine. My parents always kept in touch with her, sending her updates about me. We met last year, and it was both awkward and wonderful. She told me why she gave me up for adoption, and I told her it was OK. I had a good life with my mom and dad.
So think of what kind of life your baby might have if you don’t think you could provide what you know your baby deserves. That one choice might be the very best thing you could do for your child,” shares Isabella G.
We are here with free help and answers as you explore the choices you have through adoption. Take some time to learn if adoption is the best choice for your baby or child. Chat with us live or call or text us any time, even right now!
1-800-923-6784.